


Studio B

by 830am



Series: growth [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 3RACHA, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bang Chan is a mess, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Polyamory, Threesome, Threesome - M/M/M, but 2racha are there for him anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-22 22:44:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17068577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/830am/pseuds/830am
Summary: this is kind of depressing but there's a threesome at the end. 3racha poly college au.





	1. before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a short dubcon scene in this chapter. if you wanna skip it, it starts with: ["I missed you," was the response.] and ends at ["Do you wanna stay the night?"]

Chris looked up at the clock and sighed. Nine PM.

The guys in the studio were supposed to leave by eight thirty. But he was pretty sure he saw one of them slip his manager a neat little baggie when they arrived, which meant they could stay as long as they liked, and Chris just had to deal with it.

It wasn't like he had anywhere to go. That low-life crustpunk was back at his mom's apartment, which meant Chris couldn't show his face around there for awhile. Not after what happened last time. He would have to sneak in sometime to grab some more clothes, though. His hoodie was getting holes in the elbows.

He sighed again. Watching the monitors was boring. He wanted to be _in_ the studio, not staring at it through a tiny, flickering screen. And if these fuckers would just _leave,_ he could have the studio to himself until the cleaning crew came at two AM. His manager didn't care- was too fucked up to care, usually. It was a good arrangement, when it worked out. There was even a couch. Chris avoided thinking about how many times he'd crashed on it when he couldn't find anywhere else to stay.

Annoyed, Chris flicked the audio feed off and just glared at the monitor in silence. Their music sucked anyway.

It was a long night.

* * *

 

He dragged himself off the couch, bleary-eyed, at ten the next morning. Had to get out before the boss got in. Chris was pretty sure he knew, but if he didn't _see_ it, he didn't have to say anything. Better to keep it that way. Better to not lose his last guaranteed place to sleep.

He gave himself a minute to wake up, rubbing his eyes and running fingers through his hair. It was greasy. He needed a shower.

 _Now's as good a time as any_ , he decided. He grabbed his backpack and slipped out the back door.

* * *

 

His mom's apartment was a shithole on the worst side of town. When he lived there, he tried to keep it clean. _Tried_. Now that he didn't anymore, the place was even nastier than he remembered. Dishes in the sink, covered with a thin film, sitting in stagnant water. Trash piled up on top of the trash cans, overflowing onto the floor. Chris wrinkled his nose and blanked his mind. Better not to think about it.

When he made it to the door that used to be his room, he paused, hand on the doorknob. He wondered what he would find inside. Last time it was a naked, strung-out junkie, sharing Chris's childhood bed with a pile of dirty towels.

He took a deep breath, opened the door-

And found nothing.

Absolutely nothing. No bed. No old TV he used to play Playstation on. No bedside table with the names of his middle school crushes sharpied on the side and scratched out one by one. No chest of drawers full of his pants and boxers and an old box of condoms he hid when he got into uni. And the closet... the closet was open, and empty.

His mind was still blank. He shouldered his backpack and walked out the apartment, not looking back. Not even once.

* * *

 

Woojin's mom didn't even bat an eyelash when Chris showed up at her door.

"He's out, hun, what do you need?" Nice as ever.  

Chris looked down at the floor and mumbled. "Can I, uh, use your shower?"

The short, familiar woman stepped aside. Her face was kind but tired. Chris knew she'd give him the shirt off her back if he asked for it; that's why he tried not to ask for anything. "You know where the towels are."

"Thanks, Ms. K."

He knew the way to the bathroom at the back of the house. Could make it there with his eyes closed if he needed to. He and Woojin didn't really talk anymore- med school took up all of Woojin's time, and they were just different people now- but that couldn't erase twenty years of growing up together.

Their tub was cracking and mold snuck up the corners of the walls, but the hot, steamy shower was the best thing Chris had had in weeks. And the best part was, in the shower, he could pretend like his tears were just water, falling down on him like rain and getting washed away with the rest of the dirt and the grime.

* * *

 

Class was a blur. He didn't know why he still bothered going. He couldn't afford next semester anyway. His mom never filled out the financial aid forms.

When he finally got to the studio at three, he breathed a sigh of relief. Since when was this the only place he felt... at home? The fake leather seats and the scent of metal equipment filled his nostrils and yeah, it smelled like something almost like home. Even the chatter of two young, over-eager musicians at the front desk was oddly comforting.  

"We've, uh, never been here before," the blonde one blurted out nervously. His cheeks were puffy and his two front teeth stuck out, making him look a lot cuter than he probably wanted. He was wearing a leather jacket similar to Chris's own (without as many scuffs, though), a plain white shirt, and black jeans. He had pretty, mismatched earrings dangling from both of his ears.

The other one elbowed him. "Shut up," he hissed. This one was all small and dark- dark hair, dark eyes, dark clothes. He turned to Chris, and Chris could tell he was trying to look smooth. "We booked Studio B."

Chris leaned back in his chair and tapped a few times on the keyboard, looking for their registration. "Seo Changbin? Two people, three hours?"

The two nodded eagerly.

"IDs, please."

They slapped them on the counter and Chris slid them towards him. The dark one had a driver's license, but the blonde one just had a student ID. He actually went to the same university as Chris, but he couldn't remember seeing him around campus. They were both younger than him, but not by much.

Chris logged their IDs and snapped them back on the counter without looking. "Studio B, first door on your left. Check out by 6:15 or you'll face a late fee. Thank you."

Giddy, the two guys hurried down the hallway, chattering excitedly with each other. Their voices were abruptly cut off as soon as the studio door shut behind them.

He had to admit, he was curious. People their age hardly ever booked time in the studio- it was expensive, especially for a student's budget. Chris himself would never be able to get studio time if he didn't work here. So the two students were either really serious, or really loaded. He clicked the audio feed on.

It wasn't _spying,_ really. It was monitoring. And that was his job. It was in the terms and conditions that all audio is recorded and monitored- in fine print, but it was there. So he only felt a _little_ guilty listening in on their conversation.

"Where does this plug in?" the blonde one- Jisung, he remembered from the ID- asked. Chris couldn't really see their faces on the small monitor, but judging from the way Jisung's head was bobbing around, he was confused.

"I don't know," Changbin replied. His little dark form on the screen got up from the chair and walked around, peering behind the equipment.

"Just plug it in anywhere," Jisung whined.

"You can't just plug it in _anywhere,_ you moron."

"Don't call me a moron."

"Don't say stupid things, then I won't call you a moron."

"Fuck you, Bin."

"Love you too, Jizz."

"What the fuck! Don't call me that!"

Chris chuckled to himself and leaned back in the chair, closing his eyes and just listening to the two voices bicker. It was like reality TV.

It took them almost twenty minutes to get set up, and then Changbin went behind the glass. As soon as he opened his mouth, Chris's eyes flew open and he jerked upright. _Holy shit._

Changbin's voice was- fuck, Chris didn't even know how to describe it. It burst out of the small figure like fire, rough and harsh and dark. He'd never heard anything like it.

"How was it?" Changbin's speaking voice was completely different from his rap.

"Uh... really good, but... it didn't save."

Oh, right. Chris had noticed that they forgot to reconnect the recording unit when they were moving things around. He meant to buzz them and tell them, but he got distracted.

His finger hovered over the intercom button, but he hesitated. He could just tell them and leave it at that, but... there were no other bookings for awhile. And he could turn on the security system to alert him if someone walked in the door.

Decision made, he hopped out of his chair and headed to Studio B.

* * *

 

"Hey, you guys look like you're having some trouble." Chris stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame.

Changbin looked up at him gratefully. "Yeah, uh, it's not recording for some reason."

Chris approached the soundboard, pretending to look around and check a few points. He didn't want to make them feel stupid. For some reason... he wanted them to like him.

"Ah, here's your problem," he said, holding up the unplugged cable. "It must've come loose before you got here," he offered, giving them a way out of feeling embarrassed.

"Y-yeah," Jisung stuttered. "Must have." He elbowed Changbin, who shushed him with a hiss.

"Thanks, um...?" Changbin trailed off, obviously waiting for Chris's name.

"Chris," he said. "Hey, I heard you on the monitoring feed. Your voice is really unique."

Changbin fucking _blushed_ and Chris had to stop himself from grinning. How was it so easy to make him flustered?

"Thanks," Changbin said again. Jisung looked back and forth between them, then cleared his throat. "D'you wanna hear it with the beat?" He was looking at Chris with big, eager eyes.

Chris hesitated. He could so easily sit down, listen to their tracks, compliment them, maybe even show them some of his own stuff-- he could so easily make friends with these two.

But here's the thing about friends. Sooner or later, they end up _caring_ about you. And then they start asking questions. And Christopher Bang does _not_ need anyone asking questions about his life.

He'd made that mistake before. In middle school. It landed him in foster care for a year.

Jisung was looking at him curiously now and Chris knew he was taking too long.

Whatever. He was older now. Wiser. He just... wouldn't let them get too close.

"Sure," he said with a smile. "And I can stick around to help you out, if you need it. You guys seem a little... new."

They both chuckled, a little embarrassed. "Yeah," Changbin admitted. "This is our first time in a recording studio, actually."

Chris grinned at him. "I can tell," he replied easily. He plopped down into a free chair. "Now, let me hear this beat you've got."

* * *

 

The two students left the studio way past six PM. Chris told them not to worry about the late charge- nobody was booked for Studio B for the rest of the night, anyway.

He helped them get used to the equipment. Changbin apparently had a whole setup at home, so he was mostly familiar- just nervous. His rap was even better with the beat. And Jisung- when Jisung got behind the mic, Chris was blown away once again. While Changbin's voice was dark and choppy, Jisung's was smooth and high and clear. Changbin relied on power, but Jisung had an amazing melody. They were both incredibly talented.

Chris played a few of his tracks for them, too. He could see in their faces that they were impressed, and Jisung exploded with questions. When he saw how many subscribers Chris had on SoundCloud, his jaw dropped.  He was like an eager puppy, unable to stay still, eyes sparkling.

It was... nice.

When they left, they asked if Chris wanted to come out for a drink with them. Jisung wasn't old enough yet, technically, but they knew a slack bar near campus. Thinking about his empty pockets, Chris declined. He didn't get paid until next week, and he needed whatever he could scrounge up for food. And gas. _If I just quit school I never have to leave the studio,_ he thought to himself.

Changbin seemed to see something in his face, because he tried one last time. "My treat," he said casually. "I really wanna hear more of your stuff."

Jisung grabbed Changbin by the shoulders and patted the smaller boy firmly on the back. "Don't feel bad about it," he joked. "Binnie's loaded. Rich bitch, right here."

Changbin shrugged him off, cheeks still red. _Does he ever stop blushing?_ Chris wondered. It was cute. The two of them were really... cute... together.

"And Jisung is a hopeless freeloader," Changbin fired back. "His full time job is laying on my couch and eating my food."

"Um, no, fuck you, my full time job is being a student and aspiring rapper. That's my _part_ time job, thank you."

He shouldn't.

It's not a good idea.

_Don't do this._

"Okay, yeah. Let's go."

* * *

 

You know what?

Having friends is... nice.

* * *

 

 **X:** _hey u wanna come over_

Chris clicked his phone screen off, face blank. Mind blank. He didn't really feel like it, but it meant a bed for the night. And a shower. And... other things.

 **C:** _ye, be there in 30_

No reply. Chris sighed and finished the file he was working on. It was actually a track from the three of them-- 3racha, they'd decided. A silly project name to fuck around with on SoundCloud. Jisung was the one who came up with it. Half the things that came out of his mouth were absolute trash, but the other half was kind of genius.

Changbin had made the beat for this one, and Jisung wrote most of the lyrics. Chris got them time in the studio when his boss was out. It was turning out really well. The past two months had gone by in a blur.

He packed his laptop and other few belongings up, then made sure the studio was locked and armed. He never forgot, not even once, to close the studio properly. He couldn't afford to. If he lost this job, he'd be dead. Probably literally.

It took him a good twenty minutes to drive out to this guy's place. Chris couldn't even remember his name until he was halfway there. When he knocked on the door, the man who answered smiled wolfishly at him. "Channie," he said, voice dripping with honey. "Long time no see."

Chris frowned. "Don't call me that," he grumbled. "My name is Chris."

"There are a million Chris's in this stupid dumbfuck town, and just one Chan. I'll never understand you."

"Whatever," Chris said, pushing past him and flinging his bag on the sofa inside.

The man grabbed his wrist and pulled him in for a kiss. Chris let him. "Not wasting any time, huh?" he mumbled against the man's rough lips.

"I missed you," was the response.

 _Yeah right._ "You missed my mouth around your cock, you mean."

He wasn't a whore. Chris always told himself that. He just... somehow ended up in a string of fake relationships with older men (and one woman) that involved nothing other than fucking. And if they gave him things, Chris told himself it was because they felt bad about taking advantage of him. It wasn't... _payment_ so much as it was an unburdening of their conscience. And he was okay with that.

He was sure this was a textbook example in some psychology book. _Neglected child fills need for parental love by whoring himself out to strangers._ Well you know what? It's a textbook example because it's fucking true. Can't have a mom, can't have friends, _can_ have meaningless and momentary connections with randoms from the gay bar.

"Fucking right I did." And the man sank down on the couch, pulling Chris roughly on top of him. "All you're good for, isn't it? Sucking dick."

_Oh._

That's right. He'd almost forgotten. He stopped coming over here because this one started getting... weird. _Shit._ He'd blanked it from his mind. He was really too good at that.

"Be nice," Chris joked, hoping the man would take it at least semi-seriously.

"Nice?" the man mocked, pushing Chris down between his legs. "That's not what you begged me for last time. Remember?"

 _Shiiiit._ He did remember, now. Partially. Hazy memories drifted to the surface, and one in particular of Chris sloppily fucking himself on his fingers on this very couch while he begged in a slur to be called a worthless slut. He had not been even a little bit sober. _Fuck. Fuck you, drunk Chris._

The worst part was, his dick was already making a stain against his black jeans. Deep down, some part of him... _liked_ this.

He hated himself for it.

"That's right," the man said. "You remember now, don't you?"

Chris nodded, eyes unfocused and mind blank. He moved to undo the man's buckle, but he was stopped. "I changed my mind," the man said. "Remembering you begging me like that got me all _excited._ " He pushed Chris down on the floor, belly-first, and yanked Chris's pants down to his knees.

"W-wait-" Chris protested, trying to twist around, but the man was sitting on top of his legs, reaching into the small drawer in the coffee table. Chris knew what he kept in there, and he panicked. "Hey, I'm not- I'm not prepped or anything-"

"Good," the man growled. "You told me you like it when it hurts."

He did. He did say that. He _does_ like it when it hurts. But right now he wished he'd kept his dumb drunk mouth shut.

A squirt of something cold and unpleasant hit his skin and Chris moaned. His dick was rubbing painfully against the hardwood floor, but like the man said, he liked it when it hurt. He ground down harder, not able to stop himself, chasing one of the only good feelings he ever gets to have.

The weight of the man when he finally pressed against Chris was heavy and oppressive, and when something was forced inside of him another moan tore from his throat. The man fucked him like that, hard and rough and dirty, and Chris took it eagerly, rubbing himself against the painful, pitiful friction of the floor until he reached that single moment of bliss where nothing else matters, nothing else exists, except the tensing of his muscles and the heat in his belly and finally the feeling of release. He held still and pressed down hard as his load spilled out, smearing across the underside of his stomach, breath caught in his throat.

As he came down from the high of cumming, the sick, wet sound of skin slapping on skin filled his ears again. He could once again feel the burning inside of him, all pain with nothing to take the edge off now, and he just buried his head in his arms and waited for it to be over.

* * *

 

"Do you wanna stay the night?"

Chris couldn't look him in the eye. He was nice, actually. Chris had really liked him until last time. And he was really together- job, nice apartment downtown, paid-off car. He even cooked Chris dinner usually, if they didn't just order pizza in.

But now Chris just felt sick to his stomach. His ass still burned and cum was leaking out of it, and every time he opened his mouth he thought he might throw up.

"No," he forced out. "I'm just gonna- I have to leave."

The man frowned at him, concern written all over his face. He knew Chris was usually between places. "Do you need money? You don't look so good. You're sure you don't want dinner or anything?"

Chris just shook his head, staring blankly at the floor. He wanted to leave. Now.

Sighing, the man fumbled around in his pocket, then pressed a wad of crumpled bills into Chris's hand. Then he gently steered him towards the door. When he leaned in to kiss Chris goodbye, Chris turned his head to the side.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "Bye." And then he tore out of the apartment, running to the steps, taking them two at a time and finally vomiting the second he flung open the outside door. It splattered all over the sidewalk and down the brick wall, bright acid yellow, and he just wiped his mouth with his hand and kept walking. Empty.

* * *

 

"Hey... Changbin?

Yeah, sorry, I know it's kind of late.

Um, do you think I could... could I drop by?

...

Thanks. Yeah, I'll see you soon."

* * *

 

When Jisung opened the door he gasped.

"Shit, man, you look terrible." He pulled Chris inside. Changbin was standing in the kitchen, a sandwich halfway to his mouth, but he dropped it on the plate and hurried over to them when he heard what Jisung said.

"What happened?" he asked, voice heavy with concern.

"Nothing, really, I'm fine," Chris lied.

"Bullshit, you call me at midnight and ask to come over and you look like this? Chris, what's wrong?"

"It's nothing." Even as he said it, he could feel the tears well up in his eyes. "I'm fine," he said. He felt them spill over. "I'm fine. I'm absolutely fine."

Two sets of small, strong arms wrapped themselves around him. The bodies of the other two pressed close against him, and he knew he smelled like vomit and sex but they were hugging him anyway. He burned, burned with shame and regret and he couldn't believe they didn't pull away.

"Sung, go get a towel," Changbin said quietly. "Chris, do you wanna take a shower? You can borrow Jisung's clothes."

He couldn't speak, so he just nodded. Changbin gave his shoulder one last squeeze, and then let go.

It was nice to have friends.

* * *

 

"Sorry we don't have an extra bed," Changbin apologized for the millionth time, smoothing down the sheet he'd just put over the couch. He fluffed the pillow and Chris was reminded of a small black cat, making a little comfy nest for its kittens.

 _Watch the disassociation,_ his mind warned. The tiny, last sane part of his mind. _You're not a fucking kitten. Snap out of it._

"It's okay," Chris said. "Better than where I usually sleep." _Shit. Keep your mouth shut._ Adrenaline and emotion were making him ramble.

Changbin paused at that, but thankfully he didn't say anything. He just handed Chris a stack of blankets.

"My room is off the kitchen. Jisung's is next to the bathroom. Come get us if you need anything, okay?"

Chris nodded. "Thanks," he said. And he meant it.

* * *

 

He woke to the smell of bacon and the sound of Jisung cursing.

"Fucking- shit, fuck, _ow!"_

He lifted himself up on his elbow and looked over towards the kitchen. Jisung was nursing a finger in his mouth. When he saw Chris's head poking up, he grinned. "Morning!" he called.

"Morning." Chris looked around. "Where's Changbin?"

"Oh, he has a 10AM. He left a little while ago."

Chris bolted upright. _Shit. Shit, shit, shit!_

 _"_ What time is it?!" He had no idea where he put his phone.

"Like 10:15," Jisung replied through a mouthful of bacon. "You want breakfast?"

Chris groaned and put his head in his hands. "I am so fucked."

Jisung came over and plopped down on the couch, plate full of breakfast food in his hands. "Why?"

"I was supposed to open the studio today. At ten." He ran his hands through his hair over and over again. "My boss is gonna kill me."

"Hey, just call in sick. I do it all the time."

Chris stared at the other boy. "I've never called in sick."

"It's easy! Just be like, sorry, I have a fever and I slept through my alarm, I can't come in today. What are they gonna do, tell you to come in anyway?"

Chris bit at his nails nervously. He hated making phone calls. "Yeah, I guess. I can probably do that."

"Yeah! Skip day! Stay home with me!"

"Don't you have class?"

Jisung snorted. "Yeah, I had an 8AM. Skipped it."

Chris shook his head in disbelief. His home life might be a mess, but surprisingly enough, he never skipped and was never late. It was one thing in his life he could actually control. "Wild," he said.

He reached into his bag with a groan and pulled out his phone. "Ughhhh, I feel sick. Wish me luck."

Jisung gave him a thumbs up, a strip of bacon hanging out of his mouth. "'ood ruck," he said.

Chris's leg jittered nervously as he dialed the number. He sucked in air through his teeth.

"Hey, yeah, this is Chris. I know, I'm sorry. I, uh, woke up with a fever and slept through my alarm. I'm sorry. Yeah, it won't happen again. Uh... sure, I should be okay to come in tomorrow. Thanks."

He tossed his phone on the couch and heaved a giant sigh. "That was the absolute _worst_ and I hope I never have to do that again ever."

"Why? Sounded like it went fine to me." Jisung was sitting there on the couch in a pair of shorts and an oversized black T-shirt, his legs drawn up and feet resting on the coffee table. His big eyes looked at Chris and a smile spread easily over his face. Everything about him was just... easy. Come-easy, go-easy. If something bothered him, he wrote it out in his lyrics and was back to smiling again the next day. Just looking at him made Chris feel... warm.

He smiled. "Yeah, you're right. It went fine." He stretched his arms up towards the ceiling. "So, what do you do on a skip day? I've never skipped anything before."

"Wow, you're like an alien. Lucky for you, I am the master of skip days." He held the plate out to Chris. "First, breakfast."

* * *

 

Jisung and Chris spent the entire day together, just lazing around the apartment. When Changbin finally came home from class at four, he found the two of them deep in a game of Overwatch. Chris was playing and Jisung was pressed close against him, eyes fixated on the screen. His hand rested gently on the small of Chris's back.

"Having fun?" Changbin asked in amusement. "You two look like kids who skipped school."

Jisung laughed and answered without tearing his eyes away from the game. "That's _exactly_ what we did."

Changbin tutted at them. "What a bad influence. What do you guys wanna do for dinner later?"

The game finished and Chris came back to reality. "Oh, actually, I should probably be heading out. I've crashed long enough." He forced himself to laugh, the sound hollow even to his own ears.

The other two exchanged a quick glance.

"Chris-" Changbin started, then stopped. He looked flustered. "We- Jisung and I-"

"We think you should move in with us," Jisung blurted out.

Chris was absolutely still. He felt his walls go up around him. "What do you mean." Not a question. A statement. Flat, toneless.

"We..." Changbin looked uncomfortable and nervous. "Sorry, I mean... we noticed you spend a lot of time at the studio."

"Like, all the time," Jisung added.

Chris was blanking again. He heard their voices, but the words flowed like water straight through him. _They know._

Well, of course they fucking know. It wasn't hard to figure out. Chris never talked about his home life. Never mentioned parents, laundry, cleaning him room. He had like five pieces of clothing to his name. And they've spent so much time together over the past two months, it was impossible for them _not_ to put the pieces together. _Idiot. You're an idiot._

"Chris?" Jisung and Changbin were both staring at him.

 _Get your shit together. You did this to yourself._ "Yeah, I do," he said flatly. He didn't have to explain anything. He wasn't a kid anymore. "Thanks for the offer, but I don't think I could afford this place. Starving student, you know?" He tried to make it sound like a joke but everything about this was wrong, wrong, _wrong._

"I don't pay rent," Jisung said.

Changbin gave him a look of mild annoyance. "No, he doesn't. And you wouldn't have to either, Chris. My parents are paying for this place. And we have an extra room we're not even using."

For some reason he couldn't explain, Chris felt anger boil up inside of him. "I'm not a freeloader," he spat out. "I don't need handouts. Thanks though." He stalked over to his bag and started shoving things inside, ready to leave. And never come back.

"Chris, wait!" Changbin grabbed at his arm, then pulled his hand back like he'd been burned. "It's not a handout," he said desperately. "It's just- we're your friends. We like being around you." He said those words softly, blush heavy on his cheeks again. He cleared his throat and continued. "And I think we can really get somewhere with 3racha. I don't wanna lose that and I'm like, scared you're just gonna drop off the face of the Earth or something one day and we'll never see you again."

Yeah, Chris had days like that. The bad days. When he turned his phone off and left it in his car and just... existed. Without anyone.

Changbin's words- and his face, and the heat in his cheeks that Chris still didn't understand- made Chris pause.

_Why are you running?_

Why _?_ Why did he always run away from people who tried to care about him? Why couldn't he let himself have this? Every time he got close to being happy, he fucked off back to his same miserable old life.

He let his bag drop to the floor. _Maybe this is ok._

_Maybe I don't have to be unhappy all the time._

Jisung came up and took his hand, winding their fingers together. "Please stay."

_Just say it. It's just four letters. Just say it._

"Okay." Jisung's face lit up and a smile took over Changbin's face. "I'll stay."

* * *

 

He told them everything. About his mom being a junkie. About walking into his old room and finding everything gone. About sleeping at the studio.

He didn't tell them about the hookups.

They cleared out the spare bedroom for him. It used to be half storage, half studio, and now it was half studio and half empty. He didn't have any furniture.

"I'll ask my parents to bring some old stuff over," Changbin said. "They've been wanting to redo my old room forever."

So Chris became the proud owner of a hand-me-down twin bed, desk, and other little things. It was... nice. Weird, though, to live in a place that was clean all the time and not overflowing with trash from three weeks ago in the corner and under the couch.

The first thing he did was take a sharpie and write two names on the side of the bedside table:

_J.One_

_SpearB_

And that was when it felt like home.

 


	2. after

It was easy to fall into a routine. The three of them fit into each other's lives so naturally, it was as if they'd always been there. Together. 

Chris and Jisung goofed around. Changbin and Chris had quiet, serious conversations long into the night. He didn't know what Jisung and Changbin did together while he was gone, but when the three of them were together, it was  _ always _ music.

* * *

 

 **X:** _u up? wanna meet tonight?_

 **C:** _i don't do that anymore. sry._

His fingers hovered over the power off button, but he didn't press it. He opened the messenger app again.

**_C:_ ** _ thx for everything _

* * *

 

Jisung yawned and stretched out on the couch, resting his head in Chris's lap. A month ago Chris would have stiffened at the contact, but he'd come to learn that this was second nature for the younger boy. He was always close and trying to get closer, burrowing against Chris or Changbin. Changbin always pushed him away with an annoyed scowl, but Chris didn't mind the affection. It was so refreshingly  _ normal.  _

After awhile, though, it started to get... more intimate. Jisung would start absentmindedly running his fingers along Chan's bare skin- his arm or his knee or whatever- and one time he even slipped his hand under Chris's shirt and started playing with the tag. When Chris pulled away and asked, "What are you doing?" Jisung seemed surprised at the interruption but unbothered. "Does it tickle?" he asked, and kept going. 

Chris's thoughts started spiraling. That much touching wasn't normal. Even fucked up as he was, he knew that. But Jisung was so  _ casual _ about it. It absolutely fucked with Chris's head. 

He wouldn't deny the number of times he'd touched himself to thoughts of Jisung-  _ and _ Changbin. Chris didn't feel bad about it. They were both attractive, and so close. Every time he saw that sliver of skin between Changbin's shirt and waistband, smooth and taut and tan, he added it to his mental collection. Every time Jisung threw his leg over Chris's on the couch and Chris got a glimpse of his pale upper thigh, he added it. The day he walked into the shower right after Changbin walked out and the steamy, warm room was filled with the scent of cum, he jerked himself off unashamedly. 

He knew it was kind of fucked up. Most people wouldn't regularly jerk off to mental images of their best friends- or if they did, they'd at least feel weird about it. But Chris didn't equate sex to... anything. 

And it wasn't like he didn't have any feelings. He just ignored them. Because there was no way Jisung or Changbin would ever like him. They were too good for someone like him. Someone dirty.  _ Used. _ And even if they did, Chris wouldn't be able to choose between them. He'd realized that from the day they walked into the studio. He wanted them...together. 

The whole thing was so, so fucked.

So Chris did what he was best at and just shut that part of him away. Better not to think about it. Better not to hope. People like Chris didn't get what they wanted in life. They just got screwed over, again and again and again, until they learned. 

And yet...

... Chris started  _ noticing _ things. Like... one night Changbin fell asleep while they were all watching a movie on the couch. He ended up leaning against Jisung, who eventually moved so that Changbin's head was resting on his shoulder. Jisung started doing as he always did instinctively and started playing with Changbin's hair and his fingers, softly and tenderly- and sleepy Changbin, instead of batting him away, curled into his touch. Jisung's hand brushed lightly against his cheek, and Changbin's eyes fluttered open. He gazed sleepily up at Jisung, and instead of scowling, the corners of his mouth turned up. After a minute or so he seemed to awaken fully, and  _ then _ he scowled and scooted away. Jisung immediately grabbed a pillow and pulled it into his lap, and excused himself to bed just a few minutes later even though the movie wasn't over. 

If that was all, Chris would obviously just assume they had weird unrealized feelings for each other and leave it at that. But it wasn't. Because they acted that way with  _ him _ , too. 

Changbin never got close to him like Jisung did. But when he was tired or out of it, he seemed to naturally gravitate towards Chris- leaning into him during a long night of working on music, or grabbing at Chris's shirt when Chris woke him up after falling asleep on the couch, not letting him go. 

And he couldn't count the times he'd looked over at Jisung after his more intimate touches to see him absentmindedly shift his erection into the waistband of his pants. Almost like he didn't care if Chris saw. Almost like... he  _ wanted _ him to see. 

How do you know if something is real, though? 

... Does it  _ matter _ if it's real?

* * *

 

"To 3racha," Jisung cried, holding the shot glass above his head, tequila spilling from the too-full brim and running down his arm.

"To 3racha!" the other two echoed. They all clinked their glasses together and then tossed them back. Changbin sputtered and coughed, and the others laughed at him.

They had just posted their first mixtape on SoundCloud, and of course Jisung wanted to celebrate by getting drunk. "I can't believe we did it," he said. His cheeks were already pink from the shot. "It feels so real, you know?"

"It  _ is _ real," Changbin said. "All seven tracks."

Jisung shivered. "I'm so scared to see the numbers tomorrow." They'd agreed not to check the stats until the next night. 

"Nobody knows who we are," Chris laughed. "Don't get your hopes up. It takes a long time for nobodies to start getting plays."

"But you have so many followers already!" Jisung pouted. He poured them all a second round, his aim a little off and spilling on the counter. "They'll listen to 3racha stuff too, right?"

Chris shrugged, downing his shot. "We'll see." 

Changbin's face was all serious and clouded. His dark hair and dark expression combined with the brilliant drunk flush across his cheeks was... pretty. "They will," he declared. He tried to get up from the kitchen barstool and stumbled slightly. Chris shook his head and grabbed Changbin's arm to steady him. "You're such a lightweight," he said.

"Mmm not a fucking...  _ light _ weight. Just 'cause 'm small doesn't mean.. I'm a  _ lightweight _ ." 

"No, you're right," Chris agreed. "You're a lightweight 'cause you're trashed after two little shots."

"Ffffuck you." 

"Alright," Jisung cut in. "Let's get you to the couch before you fall over and split your head open." And the both of them led Changbin to the living room couch, sitting him down on one end. Chris sat next to him, and Jisung curled up next to Chris on the other end. Chris lifted an arm up to let him burrow in against his side, and brought up Netflix. He turned the lights down with his phone- Changbin's whole apartment was connected to some fancy lifestyle app- and then put on some stupid cartoon they'd been watching lately. He turned the volume down and put on subtitles. While they watched, Changbin's eyes kept flicking over to Chris and Jisung.

"What's up?" Chris asked, catching his gaze for the third time. 

Changbin scowled. "You two never do that with me."

"Huh? What, cuddle?"

"Yeah," Changbin grumbled. 

Jisung popped his head out from where it was cradled in Chris's arm. "Cause you always get mad!" he whined.

"That's just  _ pretend," _ Changbin slurred.

Chris's stomach dropped. He didn't really feel the alcohol- he was used to drinking, he'd been doing it since he was in middle school- so he realized those three words for what they were. An  _ opportunity. _

He had to be careful. If this was going to work, he had to be  _ careful _ .

Chris fidgeted around a little, pulling Jisung closer against him. The younger boy was soft and pliant in his arms and let Chris move him without complaint. Okay. Good start.

He slouched to the side, leaning heavily against Changbin's shoulder, then slid down until his head was in Changbin's lap. He pulled Jisung down with him, so Jisung was nestled with his head resting on the dip of Chris's stomach.

Changbin looked down at Chris, confused. But he didn't push him away. 

Slowly, Chris reached out for one of Changbin's hands. He started playing with the younger boy's fingers, eventually enclosing them in his own. 

The air felt tense. Every breath sounded loud in the quiet, dark room, and he could feel Jisung's heart beating through the boy's entire body. Changbin was still and stiff, and Chris could tell he was holding his breath. They'd never been like this before- the three of them, connected,  _ expectant. _

It had to be Changbin first.

Chris let go of Changbin's fingers and reached up instead to cup Changbin's face. Changbin jumped and looked down at him. His pupils were huge in the darkness and he looked so, so nervous. Chris stroked his cheek. "Don't pretend," he whispered.

"W-what?" Changbin stuttered.

"Don't pretend anymore." And Chris drew Changbin's head down, gently, and lifted his own up to meet him. For a split second before their lips met Chris felt a rush of fear-  _ what if this is a terrible mistake?- _ and then Chris closed the distance between them and pressed his lips firmly against Changbin's.

He felt Jisung lift up and twist around to look at them, but he didn't break the kiss. He deepened it, feeling his control slip away as want and need spread through his body. It had been  _ so _ long for him. And Changbin's lips were so soft; soft and small against his own. 

When he pulled away, he opened his eyes. He wanted to see Changbin's reaction. 

The smaller boy kept his eyes closed for a second longer. When he opened them again, Chris saw tears well up at the corners. Chris thumbed them away. "What's wrong?" he asked. He was afraid of the answer.

"I- I like you," Changbin whispered. He was choking up. "I like you so much."

Relief flooded Chris's body. But that was only half of what he needed.

"And Jisung too, right?" Chris asked softly.

Changbin's eyes flitted over to Jisung, who was watching the both of them intently. "Jisung too," Changbin admitted. His voice was so quiet and shaking Chris could barely hear him. "For so long..."

Jisung didn't waste any time. As soon as the words were out of Changbin's mouth, Jisung stretched towards him, hands reaching out desperately. They fisted in Changbin's shirt, pulling him close, and the two of them connected over Chris's head. His heart swelled as he watched them, more tears falling down Changbin's face and Jisung so happy he couldn't stop from smiling into their kiss. Chris let them forget him for a moment. They deserved this. 

When they finally broke apart, Jisung was still grinning and Changbin was still crying. Chris sat up and gently thumbed the tears from his face. "It's okay," he whispered. "You're okay." His mouth followed his thumb, kissing at Changbin's cheeks and the corner of his eyes, tasting the saltiness on his lips. "Don't cry."

If Chris were a better person, he would have stopped there. He would have taken them both by the hand and led them to Changbin's bedroom, drawing them into a nest of the three of them, falling asleep to the sound of two heartbeats next to his own. 

But he wasn't. He was who he was, and he wanted this. 

He pulled back from Changbin's neck and moved to straddle him. The dark boy was looking up at him, his full attention devoted to Chris on top of him. Chris grinded down slightly on top of Changbin's crotch, and fought back a grin as he felt Changbin hardening beneath him. A blush spread across Changbin's face. 

"Don't be embarrassed," Chris mumbled. "You're so hot. Isn't he, Jisung?"

Jisung scooted closer to them, his whole body straining towards the other two boys. "Yeah," he breathed. He looked eager but unsure. 

Chris wound a hand in the back of Jisung's hair and pulled him closer. Not to his own lips, but to Changbin's. Jisung caught on instantly, raising up to hold Changbin's face in his hands as he kissed him, and Chris continued to move on top of Changbin's growing erection. The poor boy seemed overwhelmed- he was trembling, his hands desperately clutching at Jisung's shirt, and every time Chris ground down against him he moaned into Jisung's mouth. It was beautiful, really.

Chris loved this about sex. He loved seeing people let go. Lose control of themselves. It's like- when you're both laying there, naked and desperate to cum, the playing field is  _ even. _ People are all the same. They just wanna get off. 

That's what Changbin very obviously wanted right now, although he seemed embarrassed by it. Jisung wanted it, too- the hand that wasn't cupping Changbin's face was gripping his own erection through his shorts. 

And of course Chris wanted it. They were only here like this now because he wanted it.

He climbed off of Changbin and knelt down on the floor in front of him. Changbin broke away from Jisung to stare down at Chris, his eyes wide, but he didn't say anything. 

With both of their eyes on him, Chris moved slowly and deliberately, giving them something to watch. He snaked his hand up Changbin's thigh and placed his open palm on the bulge between his legs. Changbin drew in a sharp breath. His whole body was tense. 

"Is this okay?" Chris asked. He would never be like the people who fucked him, just assuming he wanted whatever they gave. 

Changbin just nodded, then seemed to remember that he could speak. "Y-yeah," he said. His voice was barely more than a whisper. 

"Good," Chris answered. He undid the other boy's jeans with quick, deft hands, and stretched the elastic of Changbin's briefs down to free his erection. It was perfectly matched to the image Chris had imagined so many times- a little small but perfectly sized for Changbin's small, slender body, foreskin just a little bunched at the tip, waiting to be pulled back and played with. Chris did just that, exposing the slick, reddened head, and taking it into his mouth. 

Changbin gasped. His hips bucked up involuntarily, shoving himself into Chris's mouth, and Chris smiled around him.  _ So sensitive, _ he thought. He was still for a moment, appreciating the throbbing of Changbin's cock in his mouth. Then he took it deeper, hardness pushing at the back of his throat, not quite enough to make him gag. He picked up a slow, steady rhythm, and Changbin's breath hitched each time Chris's lips reached his base. 

"Fuck," Chris heard. It was Jisung, who had his hand inside his shorts now. "Chris, that's so fucking hot." 

Changbin's legs were starting to tremble. Chris didn't want him to cum yet, so he pulled back with a little wet  _ pop _ and started licking him instead. Big, messy licks. "Jisung," he moaned, licking up Changbin's shaft, "Binnie tastes  _ so _ good." He grabbed the base of Changbin's cock, holding it steady as he swirled his tongue around the head. "You should try." 

Jisung didn't need to be told twice. Everything about him was eager. He got to his knees on the couch beside Changbin, and bent over to lap at the other boy's erection with Chris's hand still wrapped around it. Chris watched Changbin's face as the youngest worked on him. He was trying to keep his eyes open, but every few seconds they fluttered closed, his mouth open in a desperate little  _ o. _ Chris couldn't help himself- he climbed back on to the couch and captured Changbin's mouth with his own. 

His fucked-up self wanted to invade the other boy's mouth with his tongue, rough and hard, because he knew it would be easy and Changbin wouldn't fight him. He would take it, whimpering and docile under Chris's touch. 

But he didn't. He had to remind himself that these weren't just people he was fucking to get himself off, to forget about everything else- these were people he cared about. People he wanted to actually  _ be _ with. So instead he just kissed Changbin harder, nipping at his lower lip, prodding just inside his mouth with a gentle tongue. 

Changbin melted under him. He was starting to lose it. He whined into Chris's mouth, his whole body shaking, and Chris wondered if Jisung knew what was coming. He decided against warning him- he'd sucked dick before; he could handle it. So Chris just waited, letting his hand make its way up under Changbin's shirt to roll one of the hard little buds between his finger tips. 

It was too much for Changbin. His head fell back, breaking the kiss with Chris and displaying his long, slender neck- and let out a series of short, panting moans, getting higher and higher pitched until his hips bucked up yet again, and he was cumming inside of Jisung's mouth. Jisung choked a bit ( _ he must not have realized, _ Chris thought), and struggled to swallow the load. He couldn't get it all. Slow, thick globs of cum and spit leaked from his mouth back down Changbin's dick. It was a little gross, but Chris still kind of wanted to lick it all up. He held himself back.  _ Another time. _

Instead, he lifted Jisung's chin with his fingers. He looked so pretty now- eyes watering from gagging, his lips red and wet with traces of spit and cum. Chris leaned down and captured those lips with his own, Jisung's mouth opening for him obediently, letting Chris swirl his tongue inside and taste what was left of Changbin's seed. It tasted sharp and slightly sour, and so, so good. 

Chris wanted more. 

Without breaking the kiss, Chris's hands traveled down Jisung's body. When he reached the waistband of Jisung's basketball shorts, he toyed with him through the slippery fabric, enjoying the gasp it got from the other boy. "Chris," Jisung panted into his mouth. He didn't have to say anything else- Chris knew what he wanted.

He freed Jisung's erection from the basketball shorts, earning himself another eager pant against his lips. Chris broke away and looked down between them. Jisung's cock curved slightly to the left, and his foreskin had already pulled back on its own, showing off the slick, eager head. Chris wanted it in his mouth. Wanted it to fill him up and make him choke. 

With Changbin still sitting between them (his chest still heaving, his eyes still glassy and blissed out), Chris bent over and took Jisung's cock in his mouth. One hand held himself up and the other reached down between his own legs, stroking himself lightly as he swallowed Jisung to the base.

Jisung gasped. " _ Fuck." _ His dick pulsed in Chris's mouth. 

Chris made an unintelligible noise of pleasure around Jisung's cock. He knew Jisung would feel the contractions in his throat, knew the sound of him unable to speak because he was stuffed full of Jisung would turn the younger boy on. He drew back, swirled his tongue around the head, then took him deep in his throat again. He continued like that, taking his time. He had a feeling it would drive Jisung- quick, hyperactive Jisung- crazy. 

And it did. After just a few minutes of the attention Jisung was letting out needy cries, moaning every time Chris's mouth reached the base of his cock, fingers twisted up in Chris's curls and pulling them desperately. Chris's hand worked harder on his own cock, matching the pace of Jisung's sounds. 

Suddenly, his hand was pulled away and replaced by a different touch. Surprised, he glanced down, only to see Changbin's hand taking hold of him. His touch was hesitant and unsure, and when Chris looked at his face the other boy was biting his lip. When he saw Chris looking at him he gulped. "I-is this okay?" he asked. 

Chris locked eyes with him and licked a solid line up the underside of Jisung's cock. Jisung moaned. "It feels  _ so _ good," Chris answered. He jerked his hips and pushed himself into Changbin's grasp for emphasis. 

Jisung watched the two of them from above, big eyes round and wide. "Fuck," he breathed. "I can't believe- is this really happening? You two are so fucking-"

He didn't get a chance to finish because Chris swallowed him again, hard and a little forceful this time. He was done taking it slow. Changbin's hand around his cock and Jisung's dick stretching his mouth wide were making him restless. Every touch felt intense, and there was this heat building in the pit of his belly and he wanted to  _ cum. _ Now. 

He tightened his lips around Jisung's shaft and pressed his tongue flat against the underside as he moved his mouth, thick spit building in the back of his throat. It was getting hard to hold himself in this awkward position. He shifted, the movement forcing Jisung a little too far in his mouth and Chris gagged. 

It might be gross, but the sensation of being stuffed and gagging on cock was one of Chris's biggest secret kinks. He'd never told any of the guys he'd fucked around with. It wasn't the same when they were  _ trying _ to make him gag. It had to be... accidental. Like they just felt  _ so _ good that they couldn't help themselves. That's what got him off. 

And just now, when he gagged, Jisung cried out louder than he had before, yanking sharply on Chris's hair. "S-sorry," he panted, "Chris,  _ fuck _ , I'm gonna- sorry, I'm gonna c-cum-"

And then Jisung's cock was pulsing in his mouth, throbbing with every single spurt of cum, and Chris let it fill his mouth without swallowing so he could savor it, holding it there until Jisung was spent and then finally swallowing. It took a few tries to get it down, swallowing around Jisung's softening cock, and the scent of it and the taste- a little sweeter than Changbin's- and Changbin's insistent, unpracticed hand on Chris's dick finally brought him to the edge of his orgasm. He stalled there, straining against it, drawing out that moment of pre-bliss as long as he could, before he finally gave in and let himself go. The feeling exploded deep inside of him, traveling through his body like a shock, multiplied and intensified when his seed finally spilled into Changbin's lap. 

Chris fell to his elbows, exhausted. Changbin gingerly removed his hand and Chris pretended not to notice as he wiped Chris's cum on his pants. Jisung collapsed on the couch beside them. 

"Shit," Jisung breathed. "That was...  holy shit." 

Chris gathered himself up into a sitting position, curling against Changbin's side. Jisung did the same on the other side. 

"Did that really just happen?" Changbin asked. He sounded dazed.

"Yeah," Chris answered softly. "And I'm glad it did." He rested a hand on Changbin's chest. 

"Me too," Jisung added quickly. 

They both looked up at Changbin. Out of the three of them, he was the most... safe. The one who just might not be okay with this kind of thing. Chris held his breath without meaning to.

"Me three," Changbin finally said. 

Jisung and Chris let their breath out at the same time. They looked at each other and laughed. Changbin joined in, clutching them both tightly to his chest. Like he didn't want to let them go.

"You don't have to," Chris told him. 

Changbin looked down in confusion. "What?"

"You don't have to let us go."

The three of them were silent for a moment. Jisung and Chris's fingers found each other on Changbin's chest and linked together. 

"Good," Changbin mumbled. "I won't."

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey i hoped you guys liked it, thanks for reading. it was a little rough but jisung and changbin will take care of chris & he'll be okay, probably. 
> 
> edit: now there's a part 2!
> 
> thanks <3


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